Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
