I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
