his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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