I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
