Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
