Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Randomize
