My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
birth control should be required to get into college
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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