The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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