Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
