Everything about him screamed your future.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
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