Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
