he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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