oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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