I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
