It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
