Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
