he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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