Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
