One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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