I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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