I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
