Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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