Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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