we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
