Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
bring money and cleavage
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
