omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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