Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
