Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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