So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
