im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
