I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
And then he peed in my hair
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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