Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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