to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I need moral support for this bender
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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