Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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