Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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