and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
