i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
