so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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