bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
