if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
