I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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