I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
