my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
