So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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