Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
