Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
