Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
