Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
