its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
