Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
