walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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