My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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