I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
