So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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