How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
